“Woefully Under-prepared: The Diary of a second rate Scout” is my attempt at an autobiography. I came up with this idea on Tuesday morning. It’s now Wednesday and I’m writing my introduction. I think this shows great efficiency, although on the other hand I may just be displaying the exact characteristic mentioned in the title.
My wife looked very concerned when I said I was writing a book. I see myself as spontaneous, witty and impulsive. However, Susie, my wife would prefer to stick with the terms flaky and reckless. I have been known to buy items on a whim, with no thought as to how, when or where I will ever use them; violins, exercise bikes and wheelbarrows are just a few examples.
My writing style follows suit. In my head, my writing seems as revolutionary and ground-breaking as the wheel, tipp-ex and fingerless gloves. However to an onlooker it may be the literary equivalent of Marmite: you either love it or you hate it, but smeared on a bit of paper it does look decidedly like faeces.
With this in mind I made the decision to make this an online autobiography. I am doing this for two reasons: 1) I currently don’t have enough money to self publish a book and 2) I don’t have the mental fortitude to have it continuously rejected by publishers.
Throughout the following posts, I will largely be retelling humourous, sometimes tragic yet 100% truthful accounts from my life thus far. There will be in no discernible order to them. I shall instead just rattle them out whenever I happen to remember them.
I can not say how many posts there will be. The truth is I honestly don’t know. I will continue posting as long as I feel it fits a purpose, or until either my wife or my mother persuades me I am seriously affecting future career opportunities by continuing.
If you feel like you would like to comment, please do. But be sensitive. Anyone correcting my grammar or spelling will be roundly shunned. Think of this not as a tight piece of literary work but rather a crayon drawing furiously scribbled by a ham fisted child.
I thought I would finish the introduction with an endorsement from someone prepared to write a foreword for my book. Unfortunately, no-one was forthcoming so I was forced to steal a foreword from a book. I haven’t edited it as I feel it fits both perfectly. It is from the book “Woodwork Joints” by “William Fairham”.
“To be successful in woodwork construction the possession of two secrets is essential–to know the right joint to use, and to know how to make that joint in the right way. The woodwork structure or the piece of cabinet-work that endures is the one on which skilful hands have combined to carry out what the constructive mind planned. And it is just here that the present Volume will help, not alone the beginner who wishes preliminary instruction, but also the expert who desires guidance overground hitherto unexplored by him.”